In this episode of the Profitable Practice Podcast, I’m going to breakdown the entire story of how I realized I was subconsciously slowing my business growth and sabotaging my marriage. This is a really important episode. Stay Tuned!
REALIZING HOW OUR PAST EXPERIENCES AFFECTS US TODAY
With my personal life, I became unusual to almost every day. I wanted to be distant from my family especially to my husband because of a certain issue that I wasn’t aware of. It became a major problem to our family because I do not really know what was causing all the anger I was manifesting to them. Until I spoke to my coaches and mentors and we assessed what I was truly feeling.
In this episode, I’m going to tell you the entire story of how I realized all of my realizations. Our past experiences really affect our mentality today. I will also elaborate how my coaches played a huge part in these realizations and reflections. This is very important, Stay Tuned!
IN THIS EPISODE:
[0:47] Introduction and context for today’s episode – How I realized that I was sabotaging my business and marriage.
[2:42] In 2019 I made the biggest investment that I can with Alex Charfen.
[5:00] In Online Business – The MAXIMized Business, I knew the huge potential to grow.
[8:41] What really was going on with my marriage and personal life?
[11:10] The feeling of getting myself disconnected to my husband and wanting to be distant.
[13:01] How and why am I feeling all of these depression-like emotions.
[16:37] I realized my problem, which came from my childhood and the situation between my parents.
[18:30] This year we are in a different trajectory within our business.
[21:58] How I conversed with my partner for my realizations.
[24:57] Our relationship being so honest and how we established openness on the issue.
[28:21] The improvements and changes after the conversation.
[29:18] “It’s so freeing, I feel different, I feel lighter.”
[30:51] I hope this inspires you to continue the mental work.
[32:44] My final statements and takeaways.
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On this episode I’m going to break down the entire story of how I realized I was subconsciously slowing my business growth and sabotaging my marriage. This is a really important episode so stay tuned.
Hey guys! Andrea here, I have been so excited to record this episode. I’ve been riding this emotional wave for the past 3 days based on this hugely profound experience that I had. And I shared a story about this that I was going to record this today on Instagram @andreamaximnd and then for all night, I even lost sleep over and I was up at 2 am. I’m like ‘how am I going to articulate what I’ve learned? How am I going to share this with you guys in a way that doesn’t make anybody look bad that is succinct, that is chronological. So here we go.
Let me take a step back, I would say since 2019 I’ve been experiencing the biggest growth within myself and definitely within my business. And where did it all started was back with James Wedmore in 2014 when I was his basically tester coaching person for what’s now BBD; Business by Design. And he started really working on the mindset with us. Leap and the net will appear. Take the action and hold the fear with you and just do this step. So that was something that I became really comfortable with and have continued to pride myself on that I think of an idea, I execute it really quickly and just let the cards follow on what they may. Like I’ve never really been risk averse but a voice spit taking smart risk. And that’s just how I’ve run my business. So I thought I was doing all the right things. In 2019 I will make the biggest investment that I can with Alec Charfen and how to now grow a team. Because I’m at the point of my business where I’m making 300 thousand per year and I have a family now, I need to start offloading my time. I need to find a way to get out of the things that at this point or at this stage in my business I don’t want to do. And that’s hiring employees.
So 2019 I start making my business hires, these people are on salary and that was a huge thing that I had to overcome with regards to money mindset and always thinking ‘oh my goodness, what if this doesn’t work out? What if this doesn’t work out? What if this doesn’t work out?’ and then reframing that to ‘well what if it does?’ and thank goodness I have attracted the most amazing women to support me for my vision. And I’m so grateful for them, always eternally grateful for them. Now I had these pieces in place and I was like ‘ok that was the final piece that I needed to do to really scale my business, to really grow my business.’ Those were the steps that I needed to take and it still wasn’t. So come in to 2020, of course the first 2 quarters are like just survival mode, just trying to keep our business afloat, keep everybody on salary. Figure out where the money’s going to come from all of those things. And then I start to get itchy again, there’s something else lacking, there’s something I’m still chasing and the clinic is starting to become a lot more stable, it’s been stable for quite a few years. But now with employees coming in, I wanted to see how the numbers changed, then we still managed to grow in 2020 with 2 new hires which was amazing. So I was like ‘ok that’s great.’ We developed online program that was the final piece that I wanted to create for the clinics’ side. So I was like ‘ok cool, the clinic is set. That’s all that I needed to do.’ Here I am thinking I’m making all of these steps that where the missing piece is. That’s where we’re always chasing are the missing pieces.
And there was still something missing, and in the online business the maximized business, I know that this business has such a huge potential to grow. I’ve been trying to grow this business now for 7 years, I’m in my 7th year doing this running the podcast and running the maximized practitioner program. And this was always the one that I for whatever reason continue to sabotage movement, and momentum, and growth and I couldn’t figure out why. And I have invested tens of thousands of dollars to join mentorships, to figure out how to make this business run. I signed up with Caitlyn Batcher all of last year to learn how to make the Evergreen webinar run, to bring more people into my program. Because we want to serve 1 thousand health and wellness practitioners and I just don’t have the traffic, I don’t have the eyes on my stuff to see what a value it is that we offer. So here I am continuing to buy more programs, buy more knowledge, and buy more things. And even the half of last year, being in this hugely expensive program, worth it, but expensive I again sabotaged myself and I stopped the work and I just let it go.
So we do our 1, 90, 30, 7, 1 planning strategy which we teach inside the maximized practitioner program. And all of Q1, my only thing to do was to create a traffic Facebook Ad campaign to drive more people to the podcast. I want to see the podcast be a thousand downloads per week and we’re just not there, in fact it’s still very low for what I know we can achieve. Because we’ve been getting such great feedback on the podcast again it’s a traffic issue. So all of Q1 I’m seeing this Facebook traffic campaign which is literally low cost maybe $10 or $20 a week. And I’ve been putting it off, putting it off, finding all of these other projects that I can do and I promised my accountability coach I was going to get and done in March. I had to get it done, I was going to get it done that weekend. We have our meeting this week in April and that was the first thing I said to him as I said ‘I am so sorry, I still haven’t gotten my Facebook Ad campaign running.’ I don’t know why I’m continuously sabotaging this aspect of my business which is the one that I want to grow the most. It’s the one that I want to provide the most impact with. This is the community that I want to work with the most now that’s why I’ve hired people to do the clinic work so that I can focus on this. And I continuously stop my efforts, I look at it on my to-do list and I find all the other things that I can do to fill up my day or quite frankly just shut down and have an app or watch TV. I brought this up to my accountability coach James, and we’re going to have a complete interview with him in a few weeks. He’s an NLP practitioner as well and he’s going to talk about where these all comes from and then statement that he said was the capitalist to this massive breakthrough.
Now before I talk about the breakthrough, let me explain to you what’s been going on within my marriage, what’s been going on in my personal life. So my husband is a landscaper, and the landscaping season is just starting to get going now. He does snow removal in the winter, but we had a really warm winter. So his contract with the snow removal company ended mid-March. I have always gone into this marriage as equal, everything; all the bills were equal, we have a joint account for all the bills, we will only pay as much as we can for the mortgage together. Everything is straight down the middle 50-50 and I was a 100% convicted for that. I had a surplus of money and I remember this conversation with my parents saying ‘well why don’t you put it down on the house?’ and I was like ‘no, because then I’m going to own more of the house and Scot’s not going to own as much and how are we going to divide it up if we were ever to divorce and etc.’ Like this was my mindset going into this money conversation with my marriage. So in March his funds were just stopped and he also has his line of credit and all these other things. So I said ‘Babe, I will start paying the bills, no problem don’t you worry about it. The business is good, I can do this for us.’ But once I made that decision which externally for the past 2 years this is what I’ve been wanting to do. This is externally what I’ve been saying ‘Babe I’m going to retire you. you take care of the kids, you get your golf membership every single summer. You do all that stuff.’ Because that’s what he wants to do. Instead of back breaking labor with landscape and I want to work. I love work, my identity is as a woman who was working, and this is what I want to do.
So externally I’ve been able to say that ‘no problem’ and now we’re living it and this is the difference and this is exactly where the blocker is coming. Now I’m solely responsible for paying the bills, for March it was sort of he was paying the first half and then I paid for everybody the second half. And suddenly, I didn’t know that this was happening. I was feeling myself completely disconnecting from him. And I was feeling myself wanting to not be near him, not wanting to engage a kiss good morning, a kiss good night. Not wanting to reach out to him in the way that we were, not wanting to touch him like be near him. I was immediately feeling this distance between us and I didn’t know at that time but it was because now I was, our financial status was now becoming uneven and it was something I was so convicted of. We had to be 50-50, we had to be equals the whole time. Come April, I’m now paying for everything and grateful that I can but now I am a 100% pulled away from him. I am snapping at my girls for no reason and I can’t even control my anger. I know that I’m doing it, I don’t know why I’m doing it but I am just pushing everyone away. It got so bad that in that 1st week of April, I was looking at hotels to stay in. Like I was looking at how much it would cost for me to live in a hotel for 7 days to just be away from him. To just be away from my family, the girls could come to visit but I just wanted to bounce. And couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.
All last weekend I slept, I just wanted to sleep the whole day away, I wanted to just stay in my room, close the door and I was like ‘This must be some onset of low mood that I’m having. Am I starting to become depressed? What is going on here? Do I need to do more B12 shots? What is it that I’m missing? Why do I not want to be around my family? Why am I putting this massive space between my husband and I?’ it got so bad that we love watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’ together and of course in How I Met Your Mother, Ted and Marshal are just these stand up sensitive, completely doting men for their women. And we usually watch maybe 1 or 2 episodes a night and I was like ‘I don’t want to watch the show with you.’ and the reason why my thought process was I don’t want to see men doting on their wives, when I am just completely averse to everything about you right now. Again, I still didn’t know where this was coming from.
Fast forward to this coaching call with my coach, and throughout this time, I was thinking; the thought came up to me and I was like ‘we marry our fathers, what is it about Scot that is like my dad?’ and I could think about all the positive things. Like he’s very sensitive, he’s so very much a woke male, a woke husband, it’s like he is nurturing, he’s a great dad, we have amazing communication. There’s nothing about him that I don’t like but I’ve suddenly created or manifested this rift between us and I just didn’t know why. So I tell my coach, you know the one thing that I wanted to get done is build this Facebook traffic campaign. And I haven’t and it has been an ongoing thing for the past 2 years where I know what I needed to do for the online business and I refused to it. I put it off last, whereas with the clinic? No problem. I will create things on a dime. I will make investments, I will do Facebook Ads weekly without a worry. There’s just no worry there.
So the question that he asked me kicked started this whole thing and it was the very first question that he said. And he wasn’t like ‘oh why do you that is? Or well have you thought about scheduling it in your schedule.’ He didn’t give me the steps or the tactical things that I needed to do. He said ‘Interesting, tell me a little bit more about your mom and dad’s relationship with money.’ And I was like ‘huh’ and he was almost like ‘Everything aligned to this meeting, everything aligned to me saying that statement about my to-do list and him asking this question.’ And I was like ‘well my mom and dad divorced. And my mom basically was the breadwinner and she made all the money and my step dad due to mental illness, wasn’t able to work so he was on disability and continues to be.’ And then I said ‘But, my mom and my step dad are great. Like my step dad paid for the house, my mom paid for the bills and they’re equal so that’s where I feel like I’m getting this need to be equal.’ And he said ‘how old are you when your parents divorced?’ I said I was about 8. He said, that’s your problem.
And I immediately burst into tears almost like I want to do right now, reliving this. He was like ‘That’s where this imprint came from.’ because your relationship between your mom and your step dad was 10 years ago, so you’re way too old for this to actually imprint on you. But at 8 years old when your parents divorced, and now your mom became the sole breadwinner, she had to work the hardest for all of her money and your dad didn’t work, didn’t have a job and basically your mom was supporting him that is where this is coming from. Everything broke open at this point. It felt like time stopped and it felt like this conversation is what I have been searching for. For sure, the past 6 weeks but his is what I’ve been chasing for the past 4 years. And why I’m chasing after the million dollar dream which I started to be like then ‘you know what, I don’t need that. I don’t need a million dollars, I just want to be comfortable. Have our family just be able to pay the bills, live a comfortable lifestyle and that’s it.’ And it’s interesting even as I reflect on that, it was happening when we were starting to do this. And I was like ‘you know what? Err I’m going to pause on here, I’m just going to like hold back not chase anymore. We don’t need to grow, we’re good the way that we are.’
But this year, we are on a different trajectory than any other year in business. We had our first 50k a month in March which was amazing. And where I’ve been from an energetic place of having all of my people in the right place running the clinics the way I want them to. Me being able to stay at home especially in today’s climate, stay in that CEO sort of creative role everything that I’ve wanted manifested on January 1st of this year. And of course with that in your alignment, things are to just flow to you and money is starting to flow to me and new leads are starting to find me out of nowhere because I am putting energy out there and I’m showing up to my business in a different way. And then now I’m living the dream that my husband and I have always wanted to and the reality of it is bringing up all of this stuff. So he said ‘No one is a bad person in this picture. There’s no negative feelings about this imprint that you had at 8, when you saw your mom making all of the money supporting everyone and your dad unable to work and living at an apartment and basically he was just taking care of you guys after school. No one was bad, there’s no bad memories, I don’t carry any bad memories towards anybody that was just what I envisioned.’ But the imprint that it left on me is now women as I said, marrying their fathers is now I’m projecting on that to. So that’s going to happen when I start being the breadwinner or start paying all the bills so that Scott can retire and take care of the kids and golf every season. I am now going to potentiate the same relationship that my mom and dad have. Where this is my fear, this is what came about my decision where Scott is going to then become a deadbeat dad, blow all of our money, I was going to support everybody and I was going to be forced to work all of the time just to maintain our lifestyle. And there was going to be no support or nurturing on my end all of these things.
This is what I have created and didn’t even know it. And so my coach said ‘Scott is not your dad, it’s not fair for you to be labeling him that way. And it’s not fair for you to be entering into your marriage and entering into your business with this imprint that you’ve been carrying with you. And has been sabotaging your success for a business that has a huge potential to grow.’ And I’m still processing that, but I will tell you when I spoke to Scott about it, I said ‘Babe I need to talk to you about this conversation I just had with my coach. Let me know when there’s a good time.’ So we were making dinner, the girls were off playing by themselves so it’s like ‘ok, things are pretty quiet, and I have his full attention I’m going to just present this to him.’ I said ‘Babe, I just had a huge realization with my accountability coach about an issue that I didn’t even realize that I had. And now I can see how this is reflected and has been reflecting our marriage this entire time.’ Even before we got married, I had him sign a contract–I’m forgetting the word, it starts with a ‘p’. A contract where when we are married, whatever money I make in my business, he doesn’t have access to. Whatever we share personally or whatever, fine. With his own business, if he grew his own business to a million dollars and we divorced, I don’t have access to that money. So right away before we even got married, I was squirreling away my hard earned dollars so that he couldn’t access it. I forget what the word is and I know you guys are going to tell me. And I had him sign that and he had no problem signing it– a prenup, thank you Mary.
So I had him sign a prenup, a work prenup. It wasn’t for all of the assets but just for my business. I went into the marriage being like there’s no way that I’m putting all of my hard earned dollars, everything that I’ve built from scratch like I had no money infusions, I had no support, I had continued to just build all on my own financially. I had the support now of course emotionally, but financially I built every single brick in that business. No one is taking that from me, I don’t care if we’re married or not, that is my baby. And learning what I know now, that was 100% from this imprint f me being like I’m not going to work hard just so that you can live off of my dollars and have a luxurious life and then take everything that I made. That is exactly where that came from. Whenever we were booking a vacation my immediate thought was well, how are we going to pay for this? Finances has always been this issue of why do I need to give up more of my money so that we can go on a vacation as a family? Making renovations to our home, it was always like split down the middle; excel spreadsheet ok, how much did you pay in supplies, how much did I pay for? Let’s make sure that that’s even. And everything has been so meticulously 50-50 because I was not going to give any more dollars than he was. All of these things when I look back on our marriage were all coming from this one realization. So I told him exactly what I already mentioned to you, everything that came up.
And this is how our relationship is with regards to communication: it’s just very honest, very open, no emotions rise. We’re just talking like I’m talking to you, and he’s like so what? What do you do about this? I was like Babe, I don’t know. I’m going to talk to my mentor who is working with a shaman and just see if there’s some hypnotherapy session or what it is that we need to do so I can release this imprint. And he was just like ok, this is all your issue it has nothing to do with me. And I was like you’re a 100% right! This isn’t on you, this doesn’t reflect on you at all. This is a 100% about me but what do I do with this information now that I know? And so I reached out to my mentor, and I told them what happened. I said ‘Brandon, I just had this experience where I realized how much resentment I started to create against Scott. How much anger I started to create against Scott as soon as our equality started to shift. And I was stepping into more of the financial provider and he wasn’t.’ I said ‘Now that I know where the sabotage is coming from, what is it that I do? What are the next steps?’ and he said very simply like congratulations on discovering this, congratulations on figuring this out when you did. It makes a lot of sense, here are some strategies in which you can do with your husband that I did with my wife. We’re laying out ‘ok, what are each person’s responsibilities and then being grateful for the responsibilities that each of us have to again remove some of that resentment.’ But then he said this, on a second call a second message he said ‘isn’t it amazing that you sabotaged the growth before it happened because you want your marriage and your family to work. Isn’t it amazing that subconsciously you knew that this was going to be a problem’. And this was going to cause a problem if I had grown the business the way I wanted it to if I had started to make the money that I know that we can and carried this with me. I 100% would’ve ended our marriage.
Like in six weeks I was already being like I don’t want to be near you, I don’t want to touch you, I don’t want to kiss you. I want to go into a hotel and move away from all of you guys in 6 weeks. Imagine if that carried on for 5, 6, 7 months, a year and I hadn’t figured this out. He said isn’t it amazing subconsciously you knew what was going to happen if you grew, because you wanted to keep your family together. And I was just like, oh my God. Even now of course it’s bringing up emotions.
So here I am, with this knowledge and since communicating with Scott about this, since letting it sit with me. Almost instantaneously things have shifted like the very next day he was more attentive, he was saying things differently and making sure that I was taken care off and like our connection, our spark was reignited instantly. Instantly now that I’ve started to let this go and I fully believe in the universe, we have a solid 10 new bookings come in just yesterday alone. People out of nowhere started to book in, new patients booked in all in the same day. And so now I’m just letting this go, I’m going through the work to let this emotion go, let this imprint go and it’s so freeing. I feel different, I’m still exhausted from it, but I feel different, I feel lighter, I feel like I’m looking at our family dynamic totally different. It’s amazing. And it took 10 years for me to figure this out, and it took 3 years of constantly grinding like why can’t I make this work? Why am I not growing? Why is it that other people can scale so quickly and I’m still stuck, trudging for an extra 10 or 20k increase every single year and this was it. But it took the mental work and it took me open to figuring this out, and it took me putting it out there to the universe being like why am I acting this way? Why am I reacting this way and during this time I was so honest with my family and I apologize. I said I am so sorry I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, I don’t know why I’m yelling at you I don’t know why I’m distancing myself at you. I haven’t figured it out yet, I know it isn’t you guys. Something is going on and lo and behold, this is what it is.
So I have nothing else to share except I am excited to see what this year is going to bring now. And I hope that this inspires you to continue to do the mental work, and to continue to dig and to continue to communicate with your partner, with your coaches, with the universe in ways that will show you what you need to know. Because you don’t know what you don’t know, frig I have been holding on to this since I was 8 years old. So for 30 years this has been my ideal of what I thought I needed to do to have a successful marriage and a successful business. How ridiculous is that? But I set everything up so that I figured it out now and I truly believed that was the last piece, the last thing that I was holding on to that I need to get rid of. Now of course, I’m saying that because I don’t know but yeah, Mary this will be my quantum leap year I 100% believe it. I am so convicted to that and I never had that conviction before, which was like let’s just grow 10% cool, as long as we’re growing, we’re doing well. But this year I know is going to be such a different year and I have so many people to thank for this. Like I have Brandon Lucero, Alicia McPherson was a huge catalyst into really tapping into the mindset. I’m now working with Scott Olford and he’s very much into the alignment manifesting. It’s going to be so amazing, but I really wanted to share this with you because it was such a profound experience and it made sense for why growth and scaling was so frigging hard and we all have these imprints and we just don’t know what they are until we start to bring them out.
I would love to hear what’s coming up for you, I would love to hear your personal story, the things that you have had to tackle. You can directly message me at Instagram @andreamaximnd you can comment here and that’s it. I’m not going to even close with any sort of find me her whatever because that’s not what the intention of this talk was about. It was just sharing this amazing experience and how much it was not only impacting my business growth but 100% my connection with my husband and how quickly our marriage would have dissolved if I didn’t get a handle on us. Or we would just say sold forever, right? Which is also not the lifestyle that we want to have. So thank you so much for listening, thank you for continuing to listen, thank you for being in my tribe and I will talk to you next week. I’m Andrea Maxim and I’m out.
You guys are killer. Thank you as always for listening to the Profitable Practice Podcast. Leave me a comment, and if you have it already, I would love a review on iTunes. Definitely subscribe to this podcast and leave me a quick review! For those ready to maximize your practice, contact me at https://www.maximizedbusiness.ca/